When a team member shuts down: 5 actions to help engage (Updated for 2022)
I am revitalizing a couple of relevant, early 2020 posts as we have learned so much in the last two years and are still learning how to be productive and successful without losing our motivation and our minds.
It is challenging when a team member appears disengaged, checked out, or demotivated. Since we moved to more remote and scattered work environments, we can have difficulty determining when someone is demotivated. However, if we actively communicate and connect with our team members, we can see when someone has disconnected through their lack of communication.
We have created new language during these times, and this phenomenon is called "going dark." When we don't receive responses from team members for a while, it can appear they are disengaged. This may or may not be accurate, but in our remote world, staying connected regularly helps improve engagement for employees and gives peace of mind to leaders and managers. When you reach out to your team, and they don't respond, it is easy to conclude that something is wrong. What we need to find out is what is wrong. Is it personal or professional? Is it temporary or permanent? Can we work on solving the situation or not?
Enjoy my updated thoughts as we look to help demotivated team members who have shut down or "gone dark" on us.
I don't know about you, but we have really put our coffeemaker through the wringer lately. We have been making more and more coffee to stay alert and productive. Mr. Coffee is not used to this level of activity. He can perform reasonably well daily but not all day without boundaries. He is used to working 6 am - 11 am and then taking a break, but we have reset expectations to work into the afternoon.
We made one pot last Sunday, and he refused to make any more. He either went on strike or just gave up. Either way, there was no more coffee for us. He decided the new expectations were just too much for him to meet. Thank goodness we can run out and buy a new Mr. Coffee fairly quickly.
This got me thinking about what we should do when a team member gives up. I am certainly not advocating that we just get another team member. But we can do things to help team members who may think this extended time of COVID is too hard for them. They may feel expectations are too much; they are too disconnected, too overwhelmed, or starting to question their purpose and career.
During the financial crisis of 2008, there was an abundance of stress and lay-offs happening across many organizations. I was faced with a team member who didn't want to contribute. He was skating by, refused to share updates at team meetings, and said he was "busy" when asked about the projects he was working on. He had completely shut down and refused to communicate with me, which was a considerable behavior change.
I didn't know what to do. I had been managing for several years but had never encountered someone who wasn't achieving and, who appeared to me, to be borderline insubordinate. I tried a few failed tactics and then went to HR to deal with the "problem." The company ended up laying off many people, and he was one of them.
Looking back, I would have handled it differently especially given the stressful times we were living in. And, we are living in tough times now. While there is not a financial crisis and a total collapse of the housing market, like in 2008, we have new external factors, i.e., a global pandemic, inflation, geopolitical issues, environmental, etc., driving our stress and, therefore, our behaviors.
Here are my actions to help a recently disengaged team member who has given up by leading with empathy.
Discover the reason for the change.
As personal as it may be, try and find out the reason behind the change in behavior. More than likely, it has nothing to do with work. In my past situation, I learned that my team member was going through a personal loss and chose to take out his grief and anger at work and me directly. Anger over loss comes out somehow. Some people internalize; some people explode. Others may redirect it onto a person close to them. We see this happen in our personal lives all the time. Because people are people, work relationships are not exempt. Now, there could be a work-related experience that is driving this behavior change. If you have worked to build a psychologically safe environment, your team member should be able to tell you what is going on. If you haven't worked to build trust, your team member will not be comfortable opening up. Be proactive to create the right relationship so behavior changes can be discussed openly when they happen.
Find someone else to talk to.
If you are not comfortable asking delicate questions, which many managers are not, ensure your team member has someone else to talk to — a mentor, coach, counselor, or peer. As a manager, you also can find someone to confide in and ask for help. This can be another manager you trust and admire or your manager. I highly encourage everyone to have a mentor regardless of level. I have a mentor outside of my current organization, and he is tremendously helpful. I sought zero advice from anyone in my 2008 situation. I thought I could handle it, and I was wrong. I wish I had sought some advice from a peer or my director at the time. If you don't feel equipped to handle the situation, get advice on asking the right questions or help your team member find someone who can.
Resist the urge to go micro.
I was tempted in this situation to get more micromanaging and hover over everything he did to ensure he was working. His lack of communication left me with little faith he was doing his job. I took this road for a while. That made it worse. I should have been specific in projects and assignments and asked for updates but not jumped in and managed for him. If your team member has genuinely gone dark, you need to explore why. Again, there could be a personal reason. If they are not performing, try scheduling weekly or semi-weekly meetings to catch up briefly on status, obstacles, progress, and successes. Nothing combats disengagement more than being connected. Reviewing status is not micromanaging. Jumping in and doing for the team member or questioning how he executes every activity is definitely micromanaging.
Develop and practice emotional intelligence.
I am a firm believer in taking an Emotional Intelligence class and living the concepts. Some of us cannot compartmentalize or create boundaries when we should. Attending training on recognizing and dealing with emotions is critical to being successful in the workplace. In hindsight, I should have asked the team to engage in this learning as the entire team was affected by this man's behavior (as I learned later). This is the top skill I nurture in groups now as I believe it can save lots of angst and help with conflict. We all need to practice empathy and learn to ask questions instead of making statements and false assumptions.
Pursue formal action as a last resort.
It is easy to fall into the trap of dealing with this person as a discipline situation, and, sometimes, that is the direction you need to go. For me, that should always be a last resort after trying to ask questions, steer them to someone else, lead them to other resources outside of the company, and engage others in the situation. But if their disengagement leads to bad performance, you may need to pursue a performance improvement plan.
Some people are disengaging these days. For some, it could be a temporary situation as they are just tired and need a break; for others, it may be a permanent behavior that can lead to a person's departure from the organization voluntarily or involuntarily.
It is important to remember that we need to lead with empathy, ask questions, get them support, and lean in more to manage but not micromanage to help drive more engagement. The solutions are very personal, depending on what the person is juggling at the moment. Remember, something else could be going on that has nothing to do with work. You owe it to your team member, yourself, and the organization to uncover the reason so you can appropriately support the right solution.
More to come on this topic as we are all trying to be our most productive selves in an ever-changing world. Everyone take care out there!