When you disagree with your boss: 5 things to consider (2022 Reboot)

Another topic I wrote about early in 2020 is what to do when you disagree with a decision your boss made. As we were navigating unprecedented times, there were many disagreements about handling people, mental health, remote working, illnesses, bonuses, performance, technology, meeting etiquette, etc. Two years later, while we have figured out some things, I still find people disagree a fair amount as we are fumbling around a bit to figure out the right thing to do in unique situations we have never experienced before.

To that end, how many of us have disagreed with our boss? I would bet all of us. Regardless of how aligned in your thinking you might be, I suspect most of us have been in a situation where we disagreed. Sometimes we decide to push back, sometimes we make a business case for why we are correct, and sometimes we let it go. Sometimes we roll our eyes and move on, and sometimes we let it gnaw at us until we get really stressed about it.

Being in this situation can be uncomfortable, irritating, or even upsetting, depending on the "thing." These disagreements can range from something small (assigning a project to someone else) to something quite important (having your decision overruled by someone higher up). Regardless of the magnitude of the disagreement, this is a challenging situation. If you are comfortable and have a good relationship, there are times when you need to manage up and disagree. 

Good leaders will listen to different opinions and welcome diverse perspectives. Secure leaders appreciate when people push back on them. Then, other managers believe they are right 100% of the time. Those leaders are not only challenging to hold a discussion with but often, there is no discussion.

There are some lessons I have learned in having disagreements. I hate conflict. I would love to avoid it but it is necessary to inspire learning and make progress. Some of these tips and more are in my new book, Succeed from the Middle.

1.Choose your "hill to die on." 

I once had a team member who disagreed with everything I decided. I dreaded our weekly one-on-ones because I knew everything I brought to this person would be rejected. The problem with this attitude is that you can get labeled as someone negative or high maintenance. Even if you are a high performer, people will wonder if you're worth "dealing with" if everything is a disagreement. For a manager, this is exhausting behavior. Pick your hills to die on. Some are worth it; some are not. If you think every hill is worth dying on, re-evaluate. This can't be true, but if it is, you may be misaligned with the organization (see #5). Decide what your battle is to fight, and remember, the boss also has a right to be wrong.

2. Know this is not personal. 

It can be tough to see that a decision that doesn't go your way may not be personal. Admittedly, taking things personally has been something I have struggled with in my career. We can be comparative as human beings. If a decision favors someone else, we may think that person is more valued, or I am not good enough. Don't let these types of decisions define you or shake your confidence. More than likely, there is another reason behind the decision that has nothing to do with you.

3. Ask why. 

Early in my management days, I had an employee who would clam up and refuse to say anything when I gave directions. He would often gossip with others about how bad of a manager I was. I never knew he disagreed with my approach; I thought he was unhappy and passive-aggressive. I started to share my why behind some of the decisions, and then he came around. As a manager, you need to share the why, but sometimes we are so busy that we make a decision and move on to the next thing. If you are on the receiving end of this, it is okay to ask your manager why. Don't be defensive but ask for the rationale behind the decision. Now, if you don't get a good reason or get the parental: "Because I said so," re-evaluate what might be happening. Something bigger is going on, or that person is having a bad day. Again, it probably has nothing to do with you (see #2).

4.Make a case.

If you disagree, try not to make the same argument every time. If you see your boss has a different viewpoint and won't relent, make a case. Do your research. Pull trends, analyze data, conduct surveys, hold interviews…whatever evidence you need to help you in your quest to move in a different direction. Sometimes, it makes sense to make an emotional appeal. I have made a few pleas in my day to try another course of action. I have asked for leeway to give something a chance and have offered to revert course if it didn't work. Most people are reasonable and will give someone a chance to do something differently. If it doesn't go as planned, they need to know what the parachute or plan B is.

5.Don't sacrifice your values.

While no workplace is perfect, and no manager is either (me included), if you are trying to take a hill worth dying on and receive tons of pushback, take some time to reflect. This issue is important to you. It would be best if you decided how important. Is the issue core to who you are and your values and philosophy? If it is, you may want to strongly consider if the role or organization is the right fit for you. I do not suggest leaving at any sign of conflict or disagreement, but I think the time for reflection helps us get clear.

Disagreeing with leadership is a difficult situation to be in. You could try things their way and see how it goes. You could make a business case for change before or after that. The worst thing to do is take it, never speak up, and hold it inside until you burst. 

If a manager or organization is not open to alternate approaches, you may need to explore why that is. Perhaps there is a larger strategy you are unaware of driving their decisions. It is okay to express concern or even frustration with your manager to understand the why behind a decision.

Think about your values, philosophy, style, and strengths. If decisions constantly don't line up, you may want to consider exiting but take the time to try and influence first. You owe it to yourself and the organization to try.