When you feel smothered: 7 things to try when you feel like your boss is micromanaging you
I have written a fair amount about how to lead and manage others. But, what do you do when your boss micromanages you or doesn’t let you feel some sort of autonomy or ownership for your work?
I have experienced this in my career as a junior professional and as an experienced professional. This is a tough one. For some of us, we don’t necessarily value autonomy; we may value other things more, like security and predictability. We may not want to be out in front leading; we may feel more comfortable executing projects or processes while someone else does all the talking.
For those of us who need some autonomy and leeway to try new things or manage our projects and teams with some, but not tons, of oversight, having a manager standing over our figurative shoulder and telling us what and how to do things can be a jagged pill to swallow. Or, we may have a manager that takes over meetings, speaks on our behalf, shares your news and expertise when you are capable of doing so.
First, managers that do this are not practicing good management skills. This might seem obvious to many but not always to the manager. I have found that leaders who do this need to be center stage and need some validation of their own position or expertise. Typically, this behavior reflects more on them than it does on you even though you are affected.
Second, there may not be anything sinister going on here. They may not even know they are doing this. I had a manager once who tended to lead off every meeting that we both were invited to and answered all the questions even though I had the answers and wanted to contribute. When I let him know that I was hoping to take the lead on this effort, he paused and said, of course. He ended up leaving the project team overall and delegated the effort to me to lead while I simply gave him updates to keep him in the loop.
What can be difficult is managing other managers. The higher you go in the organization, the more you cannot be involved in every project. For those who like their hands in many pies, this can be hard for them. Making the shift to do work through others can be really challenging especially when that person derives their value from making a direct impact. Some leaders feel since they are accountable, they must also be responsible for the work. Good leaders realize that they need to let others take the reins and grow their own leadership skills while they lead from behind a little bit.
It can be difficult to manage up and try to change someone’s behavior especially when that person is your boss. Here are 7 things to try to change the “micro” situation. I can’t promise all of these will work but they are worth a try.
Acknowledge where they are coming from.
Empathy is multi-directional. I write a lot about managers having empathy for their team members. Empathy should extend across to peers and up to leaders. As I mentioned above, why someone micromanages or takes over should not be ignored. I don’t expect everyone to be an amateur psychologist diagnosing what happened to cause this behavior but perhaps there is something else at play here. Try and put yourself in their shoes. Are they afraid of losing their job? Do they want to be hands on instead of a leader? Are they close to retirement and fretting stepping out of corporate life? Whatever the reason, if you are aware of the cause, you can have some empathy about the behavior. While this doesn’t change the situation, it can change your attitude toward it.
Speak up, respectfully.
As I wrote above, I had one manager who was oblivious they were even micromanaging. Once I respectfully brought it to his attention that I was hoping to take the lead, he stepped out. I think we are oftentimes afraid to give feedback and speak up to our managers. We are in a hierarchy after all and they are responsible for assessing our performance. Remember: Good leaders welcome feedback, ideas and initiative. Speak up. Let your manager know what you want or what you were hoping to do on your own and why. You might be surprised that they listen and step away. Or, they may tell you why they want to be so hands-on in a certain space. That information is helpful to know as well.
Reach out to others for advice.
Another tactic I have taken is to reach out to peers or even a peer of your manager to ask advice. This can be tricky so you must be able to trust this person to keep this confidential but give you actionable advice. This person may know more about why your manager is acting this way and can help you navigate their behaviors. They may offer a different path that you can go down. I am always hesitant to air “dirty laundry” as once you tell someone, you risk that tidbit being spread around. Regardless, you might want to take a risk, find someone you trust and ask for help.
Identify where you can have autonomy.
Maybe there is a project your boss wants to own even if it logically should align to you. Fine. Then, find another effort where you can lead and have some autonomy. I have always found there is so much work and opportunity in any organization, that talented people can find ways to add value. With so much changing today, there are many processes and ideas that can be actioned. Now, depending on your level, you may need to report on all of your actions to your manager. That’s okay. Have a business case as to why you are looking into something or leading a small effort on your own. Make a case for why you want to do this on your own. Make it about your development and state that you would appreciate their support in that.
Model behavior.
Oftentimes, we talked about leaders modeling good behavior or adopting a new process to show others what they should do and how easy something will be. The same is true in this scenario. Model good behavior for your manager. If you manage a team or even a project, model how to delegate. Model how to allow someone else to take the lead in a meeting. Model giving praise to others for the work even though you were also involved. Demonstrating good leader behaviors never goes unnoticed.
Determine how much of a dealbreaker this is.
So, after all of this, if your manager still isn’t willing to let you lead, then, it is for you to determine how important being autonomous and not being micromanaged is to you. Some would prefer this but there are other factors that matter more. If you are able to have empathy and let this behavior roll off your back, more power to you. If being micromanaged is the worst thing that can possibly happen to you, well, then you have a decision to make — do I stay or do I go.
Move on.
If you decide that you can’t work under these conditions and you have tried your hardest to communicate, seek advice, find other projects, then, you might need to leave. Lots of studies show that people leave companies for two main reasons today: 1) Lack of career path, which we can talk about in the future 2) Their manager. Your manager is an important part of your work life. If you can’t find a rhythm, if you don’t click, if they smother you, you may need to leave. One note about leaving: Make sure you ask specific questions about the hiring manager in your job interviews to try and decode their style. Don’t just ask the hiring manager but ask peers, the recruiter, and others. Make it known how much autonomy matters to you. If it is good fit, it will happen.
Being micromanaged is a short walk to become disengaged. Many of us want to love what we do; our job may not fill our entire purpose cup but we want to make an impact at whatever we do. If our manager is an obstacle to this, we will check out mentally. This is awful for us and awful for the organization. Speak up, seek advice, find other ways to get your autonomy fix, if possible. If the situation doesn’t change, it might be time for you to make a change. If the organization conducts exit interviews, try and be candid but professional. You may help someone else by delivering feedback.