When you have a career conversation: 5 questions to ask
Last week I wrote about when your team member wants to leave. To help you avoid being surprised, consider conducting a “stay” interview. Beverly Kaye wrote a book about the concept of stay interviews, called Hello Stay interviews; Goodbye Talent Loss. For questions and techniques, I highly recommend this book.
Many organizations conduct exit interviews when they are on their way out the door. This is nice but a little too late if you wanted to retain someone valuable. If you conduct a stay interview while someone is working with you, you can understand what motivates them, what they love about their job, what they find frustrating about their job, and what interests and desires they have. Then, and only then, can you help them find a path to stay instead of leave.
My favorite question in this process is: “What would it take to keep you here?” Now, keep in mind, your team member has not told you they are leaving yet. This question is provocative and helps uncover what matters most to them. Asking them what they like about their job is a nice question, but it doesn’t get to what you need to know — what will it take to see them stay and what are their dealbreakers.
If someone responds: “I am not sure I want to stay here,” well, then, you need to start probing about what they would like to see change and why. Realize some things they want to change may be impossible, while some may be quite small and actionable but you never knew until you asked.
These conversations take courage to have by the way along with lots of trust. It is tough asking such open and vulnerable questions. You may love the answers; you may not. It is better to find out their needs and opinions before you are surprised with a two weeks’ notice.
Notice the title of this blog. It is about questions not actions nor things to consider this time. This is very intentional. Career conversations should be a conversation and most of the talking should be done by your team member and not you. The best way to understand where someone wants to take their career is through asking questions. The best one I listed earlier through the stay interview concept. The next five are key to try and establish who your team member is and what matters most to them.
Question #1: What are your values?
This is not an easy question to answer and yet really easy to give surface-level answers. Why are values so important to define? Because they drive everything. Take it from me. When you are living outside of alignment with your values, everything is out of sync and you can feel great stress as a result. I worked for a start-up for a bit when I was much younger. I thought I would love it. It was fast, entrepreneurial, free-flowing, a kind of “making it up as we went” experience. It was a little too loose as the organization lasted from Memorial Day to Labor Day. I may have had fun outside of work with my colleagues but I was not aligned in the work. There was no tangible business plan, no desire to set up processes, no focus, no real vision people could get behind, and very little trust and respect. All of these things mattered more to me than having a foosball table in the conference room or sitting in swanky offices with cool decor. My values were not in sync and neither was my job satisfaction. To help your team members truly think about values, ask them to reflect on what are table stakes for them. What could they not live without….Trust? Stability? Freedom? Autonomy? Creativity? Structure? Fairness? Innovation? Predictability? Speed? Steady? Honesty? It is important to help them get to know themselves. To be out of sync with your values, will cause someone great angst.
Question #2: What are your strengths?
Another seemingly harmless question and one that can get answered too quickly. A strength is not just something you are good at but you also have to like doing it. I was in advanced math classes my whole school-age life through college. I was very good at calculus and algebra (hated trigonometry). But, I cannot stand math. When algebra pops up in my life today, I scream out loud….if 2 gallons of milk is $6.25, how much is 5 gallons of milk? I really don’t care. While I excel at this, it is not a strength. This is not a skill I want to practice, show and mentor others, or take pride in. Now, writing or speaking….these are abilities I think I am good at and love to do. I share my skills with others, I feel good doing them, and I practice them all the time. These are strengths. Think in those terms and help your team understand what skills, knowledge or abilities are at the intersection of “good at” and “like to do”.
Question #3: What gives you energy (or, sucks it from you)?
This is a great two-sided question to ask. There are tasks/activities, people and environments that can give you energy. There are those that also suck the life out of you. Ask this question to help them find the space that gives them energy. If they don’t know, ask them to record their thoughts on a daily basis. Simply draw two columns on a sheet of paper or sketch on your tablet — Energy-Booster / Energy-Drainer. Ask them to record what gave them energy today and what took it away. They should journal this for at least a week, if not a month and see what the patterns are. I will guarantee themes will emerge. I did this for myself a few years ago. This exercise led me to identify values I didn’t know I had and strengths I had ignored. It helped me see what to change about my present situation to avoid having my energy drained. Maybe your team member gets energized when they deliver a presentation and drained when saddled with spreadsheets. Maybe someone is the exact opposite. Maybe people love the buzz and commotion of a crowded office; someone else may want to be completely isolated to focus. Find out. Help them find focuses that give them energy.
Question #4: What motivates (or, de-motivates) you?
Like values, it can be difficult to find out what motivates us. Fear and money can be great motivators but not very positive ones. It is important to find out the drivers for why we do what we do. This one can get a little psychological…be warned. We have all learned behaviors starting in childhood based on positive and negative reinforcement. It is important to know what moves us forward. Is it helping others? Is it being perceived as an expert? Is it getting lots of praise? Is it seeing your name in lights? Is it just being appreciated? Is it being the best manager to your team? Is it being a responsible citizen? Is it delivering exceptional service? Is it solving really big problems? Is it the satisfaction of completing something? Is it the satisfaction of creating something new? Help them find what drives them internally (and externally). Some of us have motivations from both places — internally and externally. For me, making an impact is at the center of what I do and what drives me. If I can’t touch one person or make a positive impact on something or someone, I can get de-motivated very quickly.
Question #5: What actions or skills make you believe in yourself?
We all have strengths but what makes us truly believe in ourselves and our abilities. We may feel we are good at strategy and we enjoy doing it but do we believe that we excel at this and do we tell others? People can get caught in the imposter syndrome cycle where they think they are good at something but lack the confidence to say so or truly believe it internally. What gives you confidence? If your team member doesn’t know, ask them to record their successes or achievements they have for a week. These can be small (and should be small): I lost two pounds, I worked out 4 times this week, I meditated twice, I made my deadlines, I helped a friend, my child ended the school year feeling good, I remembered to send a birthday card to mom, I facilitated a great meeting, I produced a report with 100% accuracy, I closed a new deal. Whatever their successes are, ask them to write them down and reflect after a few weeks. Patterns will emerge once again. Things people consider to be successes will breed confidence and belief in their abilities. It is important to note what inspires them to be live in themselves.
As you can tell, I think journaling for a period of time with specific prompts and questions from you as the manager is the best way to help someone get to know themselves. And, this, more than any stories, advice or pearls of wisdom, is the most crucial first step in helping someone with their career. You can’t know where to take your career if you don’t know yourself and what matters most to you. Next week, I will reveal what do you do with the answers to help someone think about their career.