When you need to coach your team: A 5-part coaching model
So much has been written about coaching. Creating coaching cultures, managers as coaches, leaders as coaches, peer coaching, team coaching, life coaching, career coaching, and wellness coaching (you get the picture). A long time ago (and, yes, it seems like in a galaxy far, far away), I created a little model for managers where I described the difference between coaching and counseling.
I shared this with managers who were new to the role so they could understand triggers and circumstances for when you would coach and when you counsel or advise. I see managers with the best intentions thinking they are coaching their teams when they are really counseling them or even flat out telling them what to do and how to do it.
This, my friends, is not coaching. The most potent coaching results in the team member genuinely understanding the situation and coming up with the right go-forward plan. They don’t need someone to “tell” them what to do; they need a guide to lead them to the most relevant solution for them and their circumstance.
Typically, I list multiple actions you can take or ideas you can put into place. For coaching, the main event here is asking questions. And let’s keep in mind what the flip side of asking questions is…I hope you guessed listening! So often, we ask questions and then continue to rattle on. We don’t actually pause to listen for an answer.
I will admit that I still do this from time to time. I ask a question, but then I think of something else to add, so I continue to talk. This is one of those habits we should break. When you ask a question, stop talking and let the person answer. I know how basic this sounds, but I witness this all the time and catch myself in the act.
Coaching is a conversation. Coaching is part of the manager-employee relationship and should happen whenever it is asked for (I encourage employees to ask for coaching and feedback) or appropriate. Coaching is not a one or two-time event tied to official performance reviews. Coaching is not counseling; coaching is about asking questions, listening to the answers, and guiding the coachee to their own conclusions.
As a coach, you provide a little structure through your questions, so it doesn’t feel disjointed and a waste of time. As a coach, you can also lead someone to focus on their strengths in their solutions. As a coach, you can also show empathy through questioning and acknowledging their struggles. As a reminder, empathy does not mean you agree with everything; you acknowledge you heard them and can see the situation from their point of view.
Coaching can happen in all circumstances, as I listed in the opening paragraph. For a quick yet effective coaching conversation focused more on performance or behavior, follow my five-part coaching model:
Ask them what they think about the behavior or situation.
Ask them why they believe they struggled or excelled.
Ask them what they would change or strengthen.
Ask them how you can help them develop, remove barriers, etc.
Recap what you heard and agree on the next steps.
You may be wondering why I have listed struggled or excelled and change or strengthen. Keep in mind that coaching can also be about what to continue doing. We focus most on what is not working and what to change. While this is important, so is providing positive reinforcement and coaching someone into recognizing and bolstering their strengths.
Let’s give an example of a more traditional situation. Say someone didn’t effectively read their audience in delivering their proposal for a new system. They read their slides but didn’t pivot or acknowledge questions from the decision-makers.
One way to approach this is to tell your employee they didn’t read their audience and need to work on preparing, taking a breath, and pivoting away from their slides. You could then tell them to work on their approach for next time. Okay. Fair enough. You communicated what you observed and where they can improve.
But, let’s try a more coaching, question-asking way. All of these questions can lead to self-discovery instead of being told.
“How do you think your proposal went?” Nine times out of ten, someone will say it could have gone better.
“Do you think the audience was engaged?” “If not, why not?” This question is a little leading on purpose. It will spur them to think about specific actions, behaviors, skills, and tactics.
“What do you think you could have done differently?” or “How could you approach this differently next time?” This question challenges them to come up with their solution. You can build on this if necessary.
“How can I support you next time?” This question shows empathy and that you are here to help.
“What specifically do you think you can work on to make a change?” This question directly leads to an action plan—the most critical outcome of a coaching conversation.
This approach is simple but radically different than just telling someone where they struggled and what you think they should do about it.
Fundamentally, people support what they create. We are much more likely to change or invest our time into something new if we develop our own solution. Some of us can’t stand being told what to do (just ask my husband). People crave autonomy and coaching guides them into taking ownership over their development.
I sometimes have heard from managers that coaching takes way too much time. Hmmm….not really. How much time does it take to ask questions? It may take a little more time, but we are talking a difference of minutes, not hours.
As a manager, you can coach in 15 minutes or less by asking the questions above. Try it out the next time you need to give feedback. The results are worth the investment!