When you struggle with money: 6 tips for thinking about money and happiness
My final post about "happiness" at work revolves around a controversial and sometimes emotional topic...money. The relationship between money and happiness has a sordid history for many of us. The topic of money conjures the most intense emotions I have seen in people, and it can be tough to write it.
One of my favorite books of all time is Jen Sincero's "You Are a Badass at Making Money". I started reading this book three times before I finally dived in and finished it. I thought it wasn't for me because while I am funny about money sometimes, I thought I was secure in my thoughts and relationship with it. Turns out...not so much.
One of the exercises she has you do is write a letter to money -- "Dear money..." As silly as this sounds, I did it and it was a bit freeing actually. I wrote a letter to money telling it what I thought of it and what type of influence and impact it had on my life when I have it and when I don't.
Money comes up all the time even when we don't want it to. When thinking about our jobs, career paths, and future opportunities, we can't help but factor money into the situation. Organizations are rethinking their total rewards strategies, including salaries, bonuses, perks, benefits, and other types of financial incentives. Finding the right combination for people is challenging because we all bring our own money baggage with us to the job.
In my life, I have chased money at times taking lofty positions with big paychecks only to find myself miserable and the compensation didn't help like I thought it would. I have taken pay cuts to move into roles I really wanted only to be frustrated that I wasn't making as much as I was. I also used to compare myself to others about what they had that I didn't.
All of this noise around money kept me hopping and kept me miserable. Some of you may disagree or wonder why I am even writing about this topic, but I think we all have a complicated relationship with money. Some of us will never have enough. Some of us are ashamed that we have a lot. Some of us refuse to talk about it. Some of us save relentlessly and never spend it. Some of us overspend to keep up with the Joneses.
Whatever your relationship and feelings about money, just know we all have one whether we have thought about it or not. Here are my 6 sage pieces of advice when thinking about money.
It really doesn't buy happiness.
How cliche! Yup. Trust me when I say that money is not the end-all-be-all. Does it help? Of course. Does it give you security and options? Yes, it does. As we have explored over the last month, happiness in our work comes from many different facets and they are all unique based on who we are and what matters to us. Are you a bad person if money matters? Nope. Are you a fool if you value stability over a fat paycheck? No again. Happiness comes from being in alignment. If money is a part of your Venn diagram for happiness, then go for it. If it doesn't rank as high, then make sure other things that matter to you are aligned.
Use your own measuring stick.
The best exercise I ever did was plot out my expenses -- essential and nonessential -- for how I wanted to live my life. Not how my neighbors live, not how my parents did, and not how my self-made millionaire friend does. I have focused my energy on thinking about what matters to me most, writing it down, and ensuring I am earning and investing money to give me that life. Having this knowledge only makes my decisions clearer and guides my relationship with money.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Some of us are awesome at this; others struggle. It can be difficult to see your friend with a speed boat or the other with a beach house or those who take international trips every quarter. Be happy for them if that is what matters to them and they can achieve it. Ask yourself why you are envious of what they do. Do you want to travel the world but can't? Do you want that mountain cottage but can't swing two mortgages? Well, maybe you have the potential to do that or maybe you don't. There are ways to have these experiences on a budget too. Take one trip every other year and do your research on how to stretch your dollar. Rent an Airbnb at the beach once a year instead of taking on a second mortgage. It should be all about you and not them so stick with your measuring stick.
Enough is enough.
Determine your "enough." Don't think about how much you should be making; think about what you need. I have fallen into the "should trap" more than I can say in my life and it is a deep hole to get out of sometimes. I reach a threshold and I want more. Then, I reach the next threshold and still, I want more. More is just more. Ask yourself what is enough for you to support the life you want. Enough truly is enough once you define what matters to you.
Consider more than money when accepting a job offer.
We often think about money when we are offered a new job. Is it enough? Is it market value? Is it fair for the role and future of the role? When it comes to looking at a job, money matters but so does time off, benefits, work flexibility, autonomy in your role, your manager, the vision/mission of the company, community involvement, stability, opportunity for growth, etc., etc. Today, I find we should not take all of these other factors for granted. There are amazing organizations out there with awesome leaders and there are the opposite. Be careful to not just pick a job for the money.
Plan for retirement using a modeler.
The second best exercise I ever did was model retirement with various earning potentials plugged in, with our detailed current and future estimated expenses along with very bad market conditions to see the worst-case scenario. For me, knowing the worst outcome put a lot into perspective and gave me the freedom to know that I didn't need to make a certain threshold to live the life I wanted. You are never too young to start planning for retirement and paying yourself first.
We are funny about money. The key is to find out how you feel about money, know what your enough is, and be content with that. Spend time articulating what matters to you and figure out what you need to earn and invest to live the life you want within reason. Don't worry about others' lives and focus on your own. I found spending some time and energy on thinking and writing down my thoughts about money has been more freeing than I thought. I encourage everyone to do the same!