When you struggle with work-life balance: 1 key concept to keep in mind

I have never seen so much content written about work-life balance. The entire concept of work itself is being challenged, pulled, stretched, and pushed on today. And let me say, it is about time. Forgive me, as this week’s blog is a little more of a plea than my regular practical tips and ideas (although I sneak some of those in as well).

We are experimenting with staying remote, attempting hybrid (albeit that means many different things to different leaders), forcing people back to an office, trying out 4-day work weeks, and implementing unlimited PTO, flex time, and sabbaticals. We are trying out cross-company talent-sharing programs, moving toward gig work, and offering benefits and perks organizations have not offered in past years, like meditation apps, fitness programs, and abortion expense support.

It got me thinking about this whole concept of work-life balance. Is there such a thing as work and life being separate? We bring our whole selves to work, yet I just read an article that challenges whether or not we should bring our whole selves to work. But, if we live, eat, sleep and work in the same location, how is this possible to separate when they are both parts of “us.”

Now, before I get too psychological here, let me keep it simple. We are all in pursuit of balance in some way or another. We want peace, but some of us love the roller coaster ride. We want to work hard, but we want downtime too. We want family time and me time. We want fulfillment from work and breaks from work.

We are just looking for how we can have the best of both worlds. And, we can. 

I just got married last weekend to my partner of 6 1/2 years. (This is why I did not publish a blog last week.) We have heard all the jokes about how long this took us to do this. But, being the second time for both of us, we took our time and wanted to make this commitment in front of our families. We actively chose all the happiness, disagreements, craziness, support, and zen moments we have packed into our lives.

We spent five solid days with our collective families, and it occurred to me that this is what truly matters. I love my work. I love helping managers by sharing tips, stories, and lessons. I love helping drive and enable change, architect and design organizations and help people succeed in their work lives. I also love my family, my walks in nature, my Pilates routine, and my Sunday mornings with my coffee, my blog, and my dog, Max.

The secret to any of this can be summed up in one word….not just balance as that is the outcome, but what gets us to balance are boundaries.

With all the experimentation going on at the moment with what work looks like, where work happens, how people and teams work together, and how technology enables us or blocks us from being productive, the key concept that bubbles up for me are boundaries.

If we set boundaries around these things, we can achieve balance in our lives, including work, play, church, family, hobbies, volunteering, pet ownership, exercise, sleep, etc.

For me, life has always been a jigsaw puzzle where I put the edges in place, representing my four cornerstones of work, family, friends, and writing. Then, I fill in the edges with more activities representing my four cornerstones, but also reading, exercising, volunteering, nature, fur baby motherhood, etc. Each piece has its edges, but they fit together to form my life picture. We all have a life picture.

We recently went to a local art show, something else we like to do, and met a woman who creates visual drawings to depict someone’s life as a gift for a milestone, like a birthday, anniversary, or retirement. It got me thinking about how cool and interesting this was to not only capture and share stories but how this gives everyone a keen insight into what mattered to that person. If I could draw, this would be my next side hustle!

Getting married and having a wonderful experience with my new extended family has been a welcome reset button. Leaders and managers can play a role in helping us all figure out how to achieve balance while still meeting targets, staying on deadlines, making an impact, and generating profit. This all can be done while enjoying our whole lives. We should also feel empowered to develop solutions to help ourselves do this.

One of my new missions is to help organizations to enable people to set up healthy boundaries in our ever-changing world. I certainly don’t have to list all the changes and stresses we have experienced in 2022, let alone the last three years. You know what they are and how they affect you and your family.

Let’s all commit to setting boundaries to find our balance. Let’s not send emails at 11 pm, even if we draft them at that time. Scheduling emails to be sent during work hours is a secret weapon of leaders who create balance. Let’s not require weekend work unless it is an emergency. Let’s not force people into an office full-time unless that works for them and they continue to perform for the organization. Let’s listen and ask questions about how people are doing and how they are balancing or not balancing “work” and “life” at the moment. 

Let’s give people the flexibility to care for aging parents, help struggling teenagers, and truly focus on work, even if that means staying home to achieve that focus. Let’s focus on what went right as much as what didn’t go so well. Let’s offer praise when deserved and feedback for improvement. Let’s offer clarity, empathy and directness. These can all be balanced and achieved by good managers.

Let’s always experiment with work and be transparent in what we find as a result of our experiments. Note: It is okay if experiments fail. We learn from failure and can always make improvements. Let’s not expect perfection and celebrate the concept of iteration.

There is more in our control than we think. Let’s all commit to setting better boundaries so that we can put our own jigsaw puzzle together that fits each of us.