When you want to deliver feedback to your boss: Follow these 7 steps
How many of us think our manager is perfect? There could be a few hands raised. How many think there may be some things we’d like to change? I suspect there are more hands in the air. Delivering feedback to your boss can be a little intimidating. Some of us choose to avoid the situation all together to save ourselves any stress or discomfort. Others may decide to be really subtle in giving feedback, which may or may not make an impact. If there is something that is really starting to affect your work or well-being, you need to speak up.
Managers may react differently to feedback. I have experienced any and all of the following: surprised, aloof, confused, avoidance or defensive. You must let them deal with it in whatever way they want. They did hear you, but they may need to process it. I once had a manager that got very defensive when I gave feedback. This can be difficult. If they react this way, just take it. It is difficult to let someone be defensive but don’t engage.
It is unfortunate if a manager isn’t open to feedback as we all learn and grow from feedback. However, they do exist. With the defensive manager, this person heard my feedback and turned it around to make it a weakness about me, which was especially challenging. I still listened to see if there was something I could do. Take the high road in this situation.
One manager, who I loved working with, treated me more like a peer. He was asked to help with an enterprise-wide communication strategy, which he should have been up to the task to do but he fumbled around with it for a bit. I knew I could help him, but I wasn’t sure if I should jump in and try to help. I asked him if he needed help and that I had some thoughts on the matter if he was open to hearing them. So often I see people who can’t help themselves but to jump in the middle of everything. It is okay to be respectful and ask if someone wants to hear your thoughts if they don’t ask you first.
He said he would like to hear what I thought of the situation. I ended up having a little bit of a coaching session with him to tease out what the root cause issues were and how we could solve them. We came up with a plan that was co-managed by him and me. This turned out to be a win-win. I feel I was successful because I was respectful.
While uncomfortable, sharing feedback upwards is as important and sharing feedback with your team. Here are seven steps I follow to make it less stressful and more effective.
State that you’d like to share feedback.
This may seem obvious but people don’t always do this. I don’t think it hurts at all to state the obvious in this context. You are alerting your manager to the fact that you’d like to share something different from a status update or other business. This gives your manager a bit of time, even though small, to respond or prepare to hear the feedback.
Ask permission in a way.
This may be old-school for some of you, but it is simply a professional courtesy. I mention I would like to share feedback and is she okay with that. It could be overkill but I find seeking permission in this instance goes a long way. There have been times when I made this statement and heard: “Sure. Shoot.” There have been times I heard: “We’re not talking about that now.” No matter what the response, be prepared to honor it. If your manager isn’t open at that moment, don’t kick the door open anyway. Leave it shut for the time being.
Be specific and timely.
It is helpful to be specific and timely (as is true for any feedback!). One time, I saved all my comments to my manager during my year-end performance review. Big mistake. So, instead of having one important item, I had four. Four were too many and put him on the defensive. I would have been better off sharing them as they happened. It may take some nerve to share but it takes even more nerve to list four at one time. Being specific also means to talk in terms of numbers when you can. For example, “We have only met twice one-on-one in the last 6 months.” Or, “I have five emails in two hours from you on the same project.” Most feedback up tends to be about being too hands off or too micro-managing. Having numbers, facts and examples can help make your case in a non-emotional way.
Ask what you can do differently.
A nice gesture after discussing the situation is to ask what you could do differently to help. Sometimes, it isn’t all about what the manager did. In fact, I would recommend making the feedback more about you than them. I hate to say it but if you’ve ever been in couples therapy, the same concept applies here. Use impact statements like: When you do this, I feel like this. When I don’t have the strategy, I can’t do my job. When we don’t connect frequently, I feel I must constantly interrupt you for answers. Make it about you and talk in terms of impact.
Listen and be understanding.
Perspective is such an interesting phenomenon. Depending on your chair and where you are in the organization, a situation or behavior can mean two totally different things. Offer your feedback but then be quiet and listen to what they have to say. You may learn more about why something was done the way it was or why she acted a certain way you didn’t like. There are usually circumstances outside of our control that can influence the way someone behaves. Context is everything; listen for it.
Come with your own thoughts.
Sometimes giving feedback entails pointing out a problem that needs fixing or an issue that needs addressing. One way to help is to offer your ideas for correcting the problem (and part of this could be what you do). I know that as a manager myself, I can’t notice everything and I don’t have all the answers. If there is feedback to share, I am appreciative when someone asks me to change something but then also offers some ideas about how we could make it better. So, be specific with the feedback but don’t just leave it at that if you can offer a solution.
Recap.
State what you heard about what can be done differently by your manager and yourself. Confirm what is going to change and thank them for being so open. I find courtesy, politeness, professional, and non-emotional language go a long way.
Many of the tenets you follow to deliver feedback to your team apply to delivering feedback to your boss. Being specific and timely helps your employees correct behavior quickly. Being specific and timely to your manager shows that the feedback is important enough for you to address it. And like with your team, feedback can also be positive. If there is something your boss did well, don’t you think they’d like to hear about it? I love it when my team tells me how much they appreciated me giving them the floor to speak or backing their decision. Managers are people too. They like to hear the good and the bad.
Being respectful, transparent and open to listening will help take out some of the discomfort of providing feedback up. If something needs to be addressed to help you, don’t keep quiet. Follow the seven steps to deliver your feedback.