When you want to find or be a mentor: 5 actions to build a solid relationship
Mentoring is a good way to develop and expand your network. Most people say they would like a mentor and others would say they would like to be one. Over the course of my career, I have had many people say this but have no idea what to do, what to say or how to shape the relationship. Many have said something like: “I have had coffee a couple of times with my mentor but then we didn’t know where to take it.”
There are many different types of mentoring these days but a one-to-one relationship remains the most popular and helpful. Lots of organizations are also enabling mentoring circles where there is one mentor to many people. These usually pop up around a specific subject matter, skill, desire such as, women in leadership, project management, or even advancing careers, if it remains general and not personal.
The latest version is called "flash mentoring" -- the idea is you connect with someone one time around a certain topic or skill. I think we have done this many times in our career. For example, how many times have you reached out to someone to get a quick tutorial on how to build pivot table (I have to look this up or ask someone every time!) or you want to know how to solve a specific customer issue or you need to know more about a certain product, service or client.
A formal mentor can be someone inside your company who is in a position or department that you aspire to, an external expert who has achieved what you desire or even a former manager. Many people have said their very first manager is a great mentor. They know where you started; they may have even hired you into your first job.
If you are seasoned in your career, I highly recommend seeking someone outside your organization to get a broader perspective in your discipline. Or, consider engaging someone younger than you who may have fewer years' experience but may have an area of expertise that is more cutting-edge. This will depend on what you are looking to develop.
Oftentimes, we expect our manager to help us decide priorities, make connections, know what education and growth opportunities to explore and even help us define our career path. Some managers excel at this; others do not. The support we receive can vary greatly based on who our manager is.
If you are serious about developing yourself and maybe even making a career pivot, look for a mentor who is not your manager. This does not mean you cut out your manager from any development or career conversations but getting someone else's perspective can be additional help. If you want to move into a new group or role, your manager may not know everything. As much as we'd like to know everything, we don't. You may want to consider asking your manager for a recommendation on a mentor.
To make a one-to-one mentoring relationship meaningful, it should be approached with some rigor, planning and role definition. While there is some “organic” nature to a mentoring relationship, there should also be a defined goal. Here are 5 actions mentors and mentees can take to make this a personalized learning experience:
Define your purpose. At the very first meeting, get to know one another and then define the purpose of the relationship. This may seem a little “forced” but having objectives helps drive the conversation. Some objectives can include networking, determining career options, identifying skill gaps and how to fill them, coaching on a skill (if this is the mentor’s expertise). Building relationships is always good; having a clear outcome you want to achieve with this relationship will ensure you both get something out of it.
Decide on logistics. To help shape the relationship, identify how often you will meet, how the mentee would like to receive feedback, how both parties can learn and grow as a result of the relationship. And, now, being outside of the office, decide how you will meet -- over the phone, over Webex or other video chat, over Facetime on your cell phone. I highly recommend mentoring meetings be "face-to-face" even if this is possible only through your camera. Because of the personal nature of these conversations, seeing each other is important for visual cues. If you are tired of video, turn it off for other meetings like status meetings, town halls, etc.
Create an action plan. This is one of the most critical elements to derive value out of the relationship and establish some structure. For example, an action plan could include a list of people and meetings to increase one's network. If plotting a career path or career pivot, identify assessments, informational interviews, shadowing opportunities to set up. If there is a skill the mentee wants to develop, define how will they do that through formal learning, a project, an outside forum. Having tasks and dates will build in accountability and naturally give the pair something to follow up on and discuss.
Weave in stories but not too many. For the mentors specifically, it is always tempting to jump in with life stories and lessons learned. Sharing stories is an important way for the mentee to relate and learn but be cautious not to dominate the conversation. Share stories to help crystallize a point or how they can follow a similar path or approach. When you share a story, ask what they learned from it or what they can apply as a result.
Debrief and conclude. Much like a project, debriefing and formally closing the relationship helps solidify what was achieved and what may still need to be done. I have heard from many mentees and mentors that they just stopped meeting. Calendars got busy and they just faded away. Openly discussing when the relationship should come to a natural end and then having a meeting to conclude not only brings closure but helps to identify what each could do differently in the next relationship. Some mentoring relationships last a long time; some don't. There is no right or wrong here. The relationship should last as long as each party gets something out of it.
Mentoring is not a science. It is a relationship that can benefit from having some rigor around it to ensure both parties get what they need from the connection. Mentoring is an effective way to help with self-discovery and to learn about a company, culture or career through having someone be your personal guide.