When you want to fit things in: 5 areas of focus
This blog post is a 2022 reboot I wrote two years ago when the pandemic started. I remember being in Arizona for my partner's 50th birthday, flying home on March 1, 2020, and then everything shut down. We have come a long way in two years, yet some people feel we have stood still.
The content of this blog was under the title of "striking a balance." That title doesn't fit today. I am not writing only about finding balance in a zen sense, although I have written about that too, finding room to do things other than your job.
Work is essential, but we must remember we are not defined by our jobs alone. They may dominate our days, and sometimes, weekends, but there are other essential things in life we cannot ignore. If we do, we may start to feel regret or even resentment, and if we burn the candle too bright for too long, we could crash mentally and/or physically.
I have been struggling a little more than usual lately to balance work, family life, aging parents, exercise, mindfulness, sleep, reading, writing, gearing up to plant our vegetable garden, volunteering, planning meals, and more. Some things have had to take a backseat.
I have been a rock star at fitting everything in, but it has been a little more challenging lately. I have had to schedule my time more than usual to ensure I am performing my new job, moving my side hustle forward, getting my book published (Succeed from the Middle will be on Amazon March 15!), writing my blog, being social with friends, celebrating occasions, and finding a little downtime.
While I don't have total freedom over my time, I have choices I can make. I have the freedom to manage my everyday. When home, you can choose to stop work and exercise or to continue working to all hours (not recommended). I can choose to lay on the couch watching bad Lifetime movies (sometimes recommended) or read that book I have been meaning to — Amber Rae's new book: The Answers are Within You, is high on my list at the moment.
In speaking with others, they feel the same way. When the pandemic started, there was all sort of jokes and memes about having too much time on our hands and traveling to your living room as a mini-vacation. After a few months of joking, I found the urge to accomplish more without the time to do it all.
I spent the last two years examining my career desires, writing and publishing a book, starting a side hustle, losing weight, and keeping this weekly blog going every week with just a few exceptions. But, I still want to do more. So, I find myself back to the beginning thinking about carving time again in a new way.
In these times, I fall back on my traditional Time Management training where you plot your to-dos in a four-quadrant graph according to urgency and impact. I find it critical to focus on those complex and vital tasks first or at your maximum productivity range in your day.
So, starting your day answering loads of emails you may have received overnight doesn't count. Yet, that is what I do. I think it is time to dust off some of that training and start applying what we know works…again!
I have five factors on my wall in my home office (and my goal planner). There are more things I could focus on, but I find these five to be more than enough to remind me how to balance and fit things in.
Establish a routine.
For some, a routine can be viewed as a creativity buzz killer. I have a friend who HATES routine. Her whole life was founded on the philosophy that she could go anywhere, do anything, and have the freedom of being single to do it. However, having a routine, or rather, a schedule, helps us frame our day and guides us toward doing what we want to accomplish. I start work at 6-7 am, whether at home or on the train into the city. With a global team, it is best if I start early. I stop working at 4 pm on days I am home. I use this time to exercise. I still have work emails pouring in at 4 pm, but I try not to answer them until I am done exercising, which takes a total of 45 minutes. I then turn my attention to those emails after exercise and before dinner.
If I did not make room for exercise, I would not be healthy and quell some minor stresses that build up throughout the day. I would not be a good employee; I would be a mess. I find scheduling my time to be freeing, not limiting. People can get stressed out about having every little thing planned, but I find the schedule gives me the ability to focus on what matters. Scheduling also means setting boundaries in our days. We need to be willing to say no or not right now. We need to prioritize the urgent matters that demand our attention vs. those that can wait until the next day. Setting boundaries is not easy, but we should use that power if we have it.
Allow yourself some downtime.
While I am not a huge TV watcher, having downtime to watch movies or binge-watch shows helps us rest the brain and focus on something new. Reading or listening to podcasts is also a great escape. I am really into crime/true crime. My partner doesn't get why that genre is my escape. It isn't soothing, but it is interesting. Those who also watch crime shows will understand. It is an escape of sorts because it is about solving the mystery, understanding what is foreign to us, and getting some sense of satisfaction when the "bad guy" doesn't get away with it. If you love sappy Hallmark movies, watch those. If you are totally into military films and documentaries, make time for that. If you geek out on sci-fi, awesome. Set a time to explore those new worlds.
We recently remodeled our patio, and I now spend some warm weather evenings out there watching the birds at our bird feeders or watching the breeze blow through the trees. I highly recommend shifting the brain to something unrelated to you, hence, true crime for me, or on nothing at all, like a breeze or rain.
Engage in hobbies and activities.
I have constantly been challenged because I want to do so many things. I want to read, write a blog, write a book, start a side hustle, feed the hungry, help lonely seniors, etc. On the one hand, I love that I have so many interests. On the other hand, that can become paralyzing. My list is so long that I don't do anything. Perhaps this sounds familiar to some of you?
The best advice I ever received was to pick one thing. It is easy to get overwhelmed with all that could be, all the things we should be doing. You can "should" yourself to death. Discover what you really want to do and then do that. Focusing on too many things will lead to anxiety, inadequacy, and frustration. After you pick one thing, take one step. Don't analyze what step you should start with. I have spent months agonizing over the right first step. Just take one step. Through that action will come clarity. Try something out. As you get more routinized about that one thing, you may be able to take on more. To start with a list of 10 items and figure out how to cram them all into a weekly schedule will burn you out. Trust me. I speak from experience.
Ensure you get some sleep.
For those who may struggle with anxiety, you probably have received lots of advice on how to get a good night's sleep. Go to bed at the same time. Listen to a podcast or white noise to help you block out other noise. Don't eat or watch blue light devices before going to bed. Breathe deeply to relax, and so on. Here is what I have learned about sleep. It eludes some of us sometimes, and that is okay. I often will analyze why I couldn't sleep, which leads to more anxiety and more sleeplessness. Don't fall into that trap.
I go to bed every night at the same time for the most part. I wear a headband speaker (highly recommended to avoid the pain from earbuds) that plays wind noise through my iPhone app. I find that soothing. If I start to spin or focus on my to-do list, I breathe deeply or open up Insight Timer, a meditation app with great sleep meditations. If none of this works, then I do the best I can. If I don't get great sleep one night, I force myself to shrug it off. Oh well. I will assure myself that I will go to bed early the next night. That usually works. Now, I still struggle from time to time. Sleep is a challenging objective to reach when you are concerned about it. But, if it eludes you, don't stress about it. That only adds more stress and more sleeplessness.
Practice kindness with yourself.
While we should be kind to others, we really should be kind to ourselves. I am a huge WIP in this homework assignment. Have grace and kindness for yourself. Most of us are our own worst critics. Choose grace over guilt about something once a week. If you don't help the elderly for one week, so what? Try again next week. If you don't work out at 4 pm on Wednesday, it's okay. There is always Friday to try again. Suppose you grab takeout instead of making that healthy meal you planned, no worries. One of the hardest things to do is to cut myself some slack! When we get down on ourselves, we create anxiety. This has taken me years to figure out, and I still fall into that trap, but I pull myself out quicker than I used to. One day, I won't fall into the trap in the first place. Until then, I have grace over guilt on this topic every week.
I find that today, more and more of us are up and down with stress and anxiety. Some days, we are fine. Some days, we struggle and lose it over something silly like your child not putting their dishes in the dishwasher. Some of us are under-employed and struggling. Some of us have an ill family member or a struggling teenager. Life continues whether we strike a balance or not. So, we need to think about the five things above, schedule our time, and make room for downtime and some grace.
Get ready for my new book on March 15: Succeed from the Middle: A middle manager’s guide to stop being pulled apart and start balancing your team, your boss and you.
Buy the ebook version during March for $.99. I would be grateful if you could write a review on Amazon and tell others. Help spread the word to become a Rock Star middle manager.